Gender Bender

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Ah, the loaded topic that is gender!! When I was younger and I used to envisage myself having kids, I’d always said that I didn’t want to find out the gender of my baby before it was born; I wanted it to be a surprise.

However, this changed rapidly when I realised that it would be quite advantageous to find out the gender of our baby before the birth – so we did. A girl. Yay!

This time, I can’t really see what difference knowing the gender of the baby will make. We already have all the baby items: cot, pram, etc. None of this will change, and we never discriminated with colours, so Muffin has a lot of blue things, and the pram is purple so feasibly not too girly for a little boy! When I was pregnant with Muffin, we were given a tonne of 0-3 baby grows from a friend of mine who has two boys – thus, they are all gender neutral.

Therefore, there is no discernible advantage to knowing if Noob is a boy or a girl! Of course, Jason does not see it this way, and insists that he wants to know the gender. We still have a number of weeks to go before this decision is finalised (I’m only 9 weeks, so we’ve got 11 weeks before the 20 week scan) I’m trying to convince him to not know, but I understand his anxieties: personally, I think he’s worried about ending up being the only male in our household; there is a family trait on his dad’s side where everyone has daughters.

When, in conversation, I happened to mention to my parents that I didn’t want to know the gender, but Jason did, they both remarked: ‘well, I want to know!’ and from this it was quite obvious that they didn’t understand that if only Jason knew, no one else would know until the birth! Although this did come up in a later conversation, with my dad asking me if I would be okay with them knowing if I didn’t… I respectfully did not answer…

So, I have told Jason – as a compromise – that if he knows, and can’t tell anyone, rather than torturing my parents for 20+ weeks with the knowledge that Jason knows but no one else can, I suggested that we simply lie to them and tell them that I have convinced him to not find out!! It seems the most feasible course of action – and whilst I hate lying to my parents, a little white lie to spare them from emotional torment seems okay to me – it’s for their own good!!

So, the gender will remain a mystery until Noob is born. This will obviously lead to many more asking of the age-old question – which is totally more intrusive than it actually seems – of: ‘what are you hoping for, a boy or a girl?!’

And what a silly question it is. Of course, it would be perfect to have a boy, and then we have one of each, and the ideal family unit, but I have come to the realisation that actually having two girls would be really awesome!

My mum had me and my brother, so she had one of each, but her sister – my aunt – ended up having two girls. Her oldest daughter – my cousin – fell pregnant six months before me, and has an 20 month old boy. She is also now pregnant again, and is expecting 3 months before me! During a conversation at my aunt’s house with her on the gender of her second child, I asked her what she was hoping for, she said replied: ‘I really hope it’s a boy, but I think it’s going to be a girl’.

I said: ‘well, you have all the things for a boy, and you know what to expect from a boy, but wouldn’t it be great to have one of each?’

To which my aunt said:’oh no, you don’t want girls. Girls are bitchy!’

And that made me realise that I definitely would love to have two girls. I was astonished that my aunt – who has two girls herself – would say that. Although, she was also the oldest sister of three siblings: two sisters and a brother.

I was always quite nervous about having a daughter, as I myself prefer the company of men, given my interests and hobbies. I’m not a very ‘girly’ girl, (although over the years, I’ve learned how to be more girly when the occasion demands!), and I’ve always worried about raising a daughter with an interest in make-up and clothes, but I’ve realised that she’ll be my daughter, and of course one day she will have interests that are completely different to mine; it doesn’t mean I can’t bond with her over it.

So, having two girls would be fantastic!

Given how different the first trimester has been compared to when I was pregnant with Muffin, my mother is convinced I am having a boy. However, it is natural for a second pregnancy to be much worse than the first in the early stages, so I do not think this is any indication of gender.

There’s so much emphasis placed on gender these days, and I just don’t think it should matter so much. Whether Noob is a boy or a girl, I will love him or her with all that I am – just as I love Muffin and Jason.

 

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